Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
