i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is her dick bigger than yours?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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