dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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