I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it hurts more in the daytime
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
