Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
