he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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