I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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