he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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