im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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