I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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