saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize