Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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