12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
