It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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