I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band