would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.