in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy