Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high