I smell stomach acid.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse