Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.