Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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