Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
