we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
