You can't special order awesome
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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