You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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