this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize