I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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