I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
