An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize