I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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