my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
