I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
