This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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