note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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