somebody snuck up and got me drunk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
