I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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