Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
