Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
