Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
