I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
