Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
