first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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