Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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