Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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