there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize