If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.