Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
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You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
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I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.