We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.