highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.