dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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