one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize