The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
