I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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