And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
