you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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