We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
