I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
