i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
